The good news? Kitai’s form-fitting space suit - which looks like steampunk long johns outfitted with a bicycle-seat-shaped backpack - is made with high-tech “smart fabric.” (WaPo) The bad news is: Dad was seriously injured in the crash, and Kitai is a young, impulsive and untested kid. They trade bitter words, clench their jaws and hold back the tears amid long pauses and inert action scenes. As Cypher tells his son, “Everything on this planet has evolved to kill humans.” () Kitai must go fetch it, and it won’t be easy. Unfortunately, this key piece of equipment has been hurled about a hundred kilometers away. What they need now is a signal beacon to summon help. …severely injuring (Cypher) and freeing one of those captive monsters. …in a smashup that looks like someone decorated the set with wet toilet paper and plastic wrap. ()Ī debris storm downs Kitai and Cypher’s spaceship and they fall to Earth… (NY Times) To alleviate the growing distance between them, Cypher brings Kitai along on a training mission, that, you guessed it, goes horribly wrong. NY TimesĬypher and Kitai are having trouble connecting, because dad is always out stomping around, secreting nothing but machismo and Old Spice. NJ.comĭaddy Dearest has risen having honed tremendous self-control and a useful protective technique, “ghosting,” which renders him invisible to the monsters plaguing human civilization: the nonbearlike Ursa. Only a great soldier who’d learned to control that emotion was able to help vanquish them. (Nova Prime) wasn’t a hospitable place at first, as they were hunted by ferocious predators, blind but able to smell fear.
It’s a bummer because all he wants to do is please his father, Cypher (Will Smith). “After Earth” opens with a teenager, Kitai Raige (Jaden Smith), washing out from some kind of ranger academy. …where all garments and surfaces are dominated by a curious honeycomb pattern, and where we eat our meals with implements that resemble three Lucite chopsticks joined at one end.
…where they wear a lot of white and decorate their homes with flowing sailcloths. They now reside on “Nova Prime…” (Vulture) So here it is, everything I learned about After Earth, using nothing but review quotes.Ī thousand years ago, we learn, humans fled the Earth after rendering what was once a paradise uninhabitable. Instead, I thought we’d use the negative reviews to do what we’ve done a few times before: cobble together the plot and let you decide for yourself. It’d be easy to just compile some mean quotes about Jaden’s acting, but it’s too easy. Now if they’d called the film that, I’d have been in.” At one point the person next to me said, “C’mon kid, just sack up”. “After Earth is f*cking terrible, Jaden Smith is not an actor, Will Smith is not a father, and the whole thing is this extended chase scene in which you want the kid to die horribly because all he does is cry like a little bitch about everything. I tend to believe our friend Laremy’s succinct statement on the matter, because out of all the critics, he’s the cutest (sorry, Kyle Smith): Actually, for every 10 reviews, there’s about seven negative, and three devil’s advocate, here’s-why-it’s-not-as-bad-as-everyone-else-says reviews. Night Shyamalan movie, or, I suspect, because it’s not very good, the reviews have been quite negative. Night Shyamalan’s Smith family picture After Earth hits theaters today, and because it’s an M.
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